Monday, February 8, 2010


When I started writing this blog, over on the Sugar Snow myspace page, it was a way of keeping track of the band's development, this new stage in my life. And then I realized that I liked it, that the reason I was a writing major in college (yes, ouch--as useful as sociology!) was because I liked to write. And in approaching it with the same attitude that I have for the band, which is, Give Your All, Expect Nothing Back, it became an exercise in discipline, editing, figuring out what works and what doesn't. But what it did more than anything else was reinforce my understanding of privacy and restraint

"A blog like this is narcissism in its most obscene flowering...But it's necessary. As a parent your days are consumed by other people's needs. This is payback for driving back and forth to gymnastics all week long."

This quote is from an interview about parents who blog about their children. The above was said by Ayelet Waldman, a blogger and writer, who is one of the most confused. embittered parents I have ever come across. She has literally exposed her family in her blog in ways that are unfathomable to me. I would never deny that blogging is narcissistic. Of course it is. Assuming that one has something to say that is of interest and/or importance to the world at large can be characterized no other way. There is an inherent narcissism to being a musician, a writer, an artist of any kind, because art is meant to be shared. And, of course, the hope is that it will be received positively.

But my children, my husband, my friends....that is another story. Everyone has their comfort zone, and writing about them is well outside of mine. I try to keep them on the periphery, and never even use their names. What I write is specifically targeted at me--MY behavior, MY opinions, MY experiences. It is extreme narcissism but it is also protection for them. They did not ask or agree to be put in my blog; my husband has a right to his personal and professional life without judgement based on my interest in marrying Jon Stewart or my diatribe on smelly microphones. My extremely private best friend wants to remain that way, and I owe her that. My bandmates have a right to their privacy, and while some of the things we experience as a band would be highly entertaining, a band is a marriage of it's own, and thus has it's own expectations of privacy. What I tell my friends over dinner is one thing. What I tell everyone out in the ether is something else entirely.

But an important aspect of blogging is the aspect of truth. And truth is elastic. If I were to write about a show we did at a club we had no business playing in, which, to me, was a fairly embarrassing, disastrous but fun evening, the opinion might be taken as the Truth of ALL of Sugar Snow, when in actuality it is my take on the evening. The other people in attendance would no doubt have a different view of the evening, some overlap, to be sure, but not necessarily in line with what I saw. So what is the Truth? It all is. One is mine. And that's the only one I am entitled to write about.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, people have different comfort zones with this topic.

    I pretty much agree, although I'll tell a story about my gang if I'm pretty sure everyone will think it's funny. (Anonymously of course)

    But telling specifics about people and their private affairs is not cool. I mean don't we all have enough juicy stories to blog about for a few years?!

    So the question is, At What Cost?