Monday, July 12, 2010

Please Explain.


It has been hotter than hell in New England for the last few weeks, and I thought that perhaps the heat had finally gotten to me when I saw this. Surely, I could not be seeing pictures of an actually fashion show in which the models were made up to look like the Gorton's Fisherman? Maybe all the frozen margaritas I have been drinking lately have actually started to affect my sanity? (By the way, the mango one was exceptional!)

No. No, this is real. This is from Patrick Mohr's fashion show at Fashion Week Berlin. I have never heard of Patrick Mohr, did not know Berlin had a fashion week, and could not tell you what clothes he is actually showing. Because I am SO FUCKING DISTRACTED by these disturbing pictures. I want to know the following:

How does someone decide that this is a good idea?

I have had wacky ideas before, like my intense desire to cover "Oops, I Did It Again" as a waltz. But seriously, who comes up with the idea to make an Amazon Warrior bald with unimpressive, sparse facial hair? Is it something that happens when you drink, like "Hans, wouldn't it be fucking HILARIOUS to make the models look Amish? HEY! That just might work!" I say step away from the schnapps, if that's how it happened. That shit is dangerous.

What did the models think as they were being made into the image of C. Everett Koop?

Were they thinking that this was amazingly avant garde and that he was a genius? Or were they just wishing for a line of coke and a stein of lager? or knockwurst? sauerkraut? I can't figure out how to do umlauts, but they are implied.

What did his mom say to him after the show?

Did she just beam at him with the proud, unconditional love of a mother? Or did she think "Ah, es sind die Auswirkungen von mir fiel ihm auf seinen Kopf, als ein Baby.*" If you can pull off being proud without mockery here, you are Mutter des Jahres** in my buch***.

I am pulling out all the German stuff I can think of here, and left Nazis out of it. Can you believe it?

Fashion shows are already silly, considering that 95% of the clothes shown are not meant to be worn by real people, even the rich ones. And the use of emaciated, freakishly tall girls to show these outlandish costumes is already theatre. Add in facial hair, a bald cap and nude pasties....I don't even know what you have then. It is beyond theatre, even theatre of the absurd. Theatre of the Hideous? Theatre of The Hirsute?

"A mentsch tracht und Gott lacht,****" my Grandmother used to say in Yiddish. So someone got a good laugh out of it.

*= "There are the effects of me dropping him on his head as a baby."
**= Mother of the Year
***= book
****= "A person plans and God laughs."